In honour of Sex T-Rex’s upcoming preview of our next Genre Comedy, I’m a-crackin’ out another high-larious randomizer.  We started with Pulp Archeology Adventure with Callaghan, moved to Science Fiction with Leviathan, and now we’re taking it back to the Ol West!  Yes, there’ll be some roots scooted to be sure in WATCH OUT WILDKAT!  (Yer Dealin’ With the Devil)

So you’re probably wondering how Cowboys talk.  Lucky for you we’ve got this COWBOY QUOTE GENERATOR to figure it out for you.

HERE’S HOW IT WORKS:

Step 1- Get a d20.  If you’re not nerdy enough to know what a d20 is, it’s a die with 20 faces on it.  If you’re not nerdy enough to HAVE a d20, Google that bad boy, and you can find life-like simulations online.

Step 2- “Roll” the “die” three times, and match up your results in each column for your very own GENERATED COWBOY QUOTE!  Some rules apply-

a) The “…” fields represent “nothing”, which Cowboys often say.

b) A bracketed phrase indicates that you can choose to include, or not include the enclosed phrase.

Step 3- Enjoy your cowboy quote (for example a roll of 20, 6, 16 would be “A real wild cowgirl.”).

Here she be:

1	You’re	dead	whiskey
2	You look like	a yellow-bellied	eyes
3	There’s	a right fine lady	is always your best bet
4	Draw	my deputy	like lightning
5	I’m-a lookin’ fer	a Gringo	spitoon
6	Don’cha know	a real wild	y’all
7	I’m-a gonna git	the Queen of Hearts	at high noon
8	Way over yonder	gold	stallion
9	My pa was	American	on the range
10	Shootin’	a mad dawg	with my/yer boots on
11	I killed	smokin’	(a) shotgun
12	It’s a hell of a thing	your gun	sheriff
13	You’ll be eatin’	bullets	Y’hear?
14	Howdy	Moonshine	in the sunset
15	I’m ridin’	(the) tumblin’ tumbleweed	(‘s) spurs
16	I only drink	Shootin’	cowgirl
17	Damn (yer)	(in an) outhouse	Yee-haw!
18	I’ll die	(on) the dusty trail	in Bear Mountain
19	Y’all (are)	a-way down south	Pardner
20	…	…	…

Enjoy, and post your favourite results as comments here or on our Facebook!

(Cowboy Quote Generator co-created with Josef Addleman and Kaitlin Morrow)

 

“I’m ridin’ Moonshine like lightin’!”